6.3. Knowing Your Sin – Heart – Deep Convictions

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"Here's one way I can know that I've forgotton the gospel of grace: When your sin bothers me more than my own."

Tullian Tchividjian

1. The Movie:

In the movie “Schindler’s List” starring Oskar Schindler, a German industrialist who together with his wife Emilie Schindler saved more than a thousand mostly Polish-Jewish refugees from the Holocaust by employing them in his factories during World War II. It stars Liam Neeson as Schindler, Ralph Fiennes as SS officer Amon Göth, and Ben Kingsley as Schindler’s Jewish accountant Itzhak Stern. Oskar Schindler changed from a vain and greedy German businessman who becomes an unlikely humanitarian amid the barbaric German Nazi reign when he feels compelled to turn his factory into a refuge for Jews. Based on the true story of Oskar Schindler who managed to save about 1100 Jews from being gassed at the Auschwitz concentration camp, it is a testament to the good in all of us.

2. Quotes from the Movie:

"I was now resolved to do everything in my power to defeat the system."

Oskar Schindler - Schindler's List

“I will make sure the company is a business and that it had a certain panashe, that is what I am good at. Not to work, not to work. Presentation.”

Oskar Schindler - Schindler's List

“I lost a worker and expect to be compensated.”

Oskar Schindler - Schindler's List

"The list is life, all around it's margins lies camf."

Ben Kingsley - Schindler's List

"Whoever saves one life, saves the world entirely."

Ben Kingsley - Schindler's List

"I could have got more out, I could have got more. If I have made more money."

Oskar Schindler - Schindler's List

"This car, why did I keep the car? Ten people right there.Ten more people."

Oskar Schindler - Schindler's List

"This pin, two people. This is gold, two more people. It would have given me two more people, at least one. It would have given me one, one more. One more person. One more person is dead for this. I could have got one more person and I didn't. I, I didn't." (sobbing)

Oskar Schindler - Schindler's List

In this movie Hans, we see a guilty soul looking for ways he could have saved, one more. Is this not a better way to have guilt than working hard as a disciple and hoping you have saved more.

3. The Bible Scriptures:

David struggled before he faced his sin. 

Let’s see what the Bible said yesterday in Psalm 32 and Psalm 51:

Blessed is the one
    whose transgressions are forgiven,
    whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the one
    whose sin the Lord does not count against them
    and in whose spirit is no deceit.

When I kept silent,
    my bones wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.
For day and night
    your hand was heavy on me;
my strength was sapped
    as in the heat of summer.

Then I acknowledged my sin to you
    and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess
    my transgressions to the Lord.”
And you forgave
    the guilt of my sin.

Therefore let all the faithful pray to you
    while you may be found;
surely the rising of the mighty waters
    will not reach them.
You are my hiding place;
    you will protect me from trouble
    and surround me with songs of deliverance.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
    I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.
Do not be like the horse or the mule,
    which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
    or they will not come to you.
10 Many are the woes of the wicked,
    but the Lord’s unfailing love
    surrounds the one who trusts in him.

11 Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous;
    sing, all you who are upright in heart! – Psalm 32

For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
    blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
    and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
    and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
    and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
    and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
    sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
    you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
    wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
    let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
    and blot out all my iniquity.

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
    or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
    so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
    you who are God my Savior,
    and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
    and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
    you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart
    you, God, will not despise.

18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
    to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
    in burnt offerings offered whole;
    then bulls will be offered on your altar – Psalm 51


– When are times you really don’t want to face your sin Hans? 

  • By default we love sin more than God because of our sinful natures Francois. 
  • Temptation will feel like, I need to do this; it feels right.
  • Sin sometimes feels good in the moment.
  • I think also when I am caught out and except responsibility that it was me that caused it. I know because I see my daughter doing this and fearing the consequences or getting punished.
  • When I know dealing with my sin will hurt people around me.
  • Also when it is a repeat sin that I can’t seem to overcome.

– Hans how do you usually avoid that confrontation? 

  • Well Francois I think first you must have conviction about sin what it does to God and people around me to hate sin.
  • Sticking your head in the sand seem the easier choice, like they say: “Ignorance is bliss”.
  • You are not convinced that confessing your sin and people praying for you will work towards your healing.
  • You get tired of confessing the same sin all over again, meaning that you haven’t repented of it.
  • You don’t see that God has given you over to that habitual sin. (Rom 1:18-24)
  • We don’t want to take responsibility for the consequences of our sin.
  • We haven’t been confessing for a while now and got used to not confessing. 
  • The thinking I only have to confess my sin to God, thus not making myself accountable before people that is much harder to confess our sin to.
  • Well Francois if you do not read those sins scriptures often you tend to forget what sin is. (Gal 5:19-212 Tim 3:1-5  Rev 21:8)
  • You feel that you are going to bother someone by confessing your sin and it might darken their day.
  • I think the biggest thing that stops us from confessing our sin is that we will have to stop doing the sin and change our lives.

– What did David mean when he said God’s hand was heavy upon him?

  • The agony of his sin was still vividly present in his life.
  •  He still feels the guilt of the sin he hasn’t confessed.
  • Francois I think we know the terrors that await us when we continue in this course of action.
  • I think sometimes one sin leads to the other one and normally there was a trail of sin before we actually commit the “big” sin, like I might have been deceitful and lying. When someone finds it out, my integrity might be at stake.

– What do you do Hans when you feel the hand of conviction on you?

  • Francois I sulk and feel sorry for myself.
  • I feel stupid that I committed this sin again.
  • You know that you had not confessed the temptations that you have been going through for a while, like watching a sex scene in a movie because you were intrigued or just weak in the moment.
  • Francois I can blame other people that lead me into this sin.
  • I can blame leaders for not instilling a conviction about sin in my life.
  • I might become depressed and hide in my cave.
  • I might feel lonely and that I am the only one struggling with sin.
  • My spirit may be downcast, critical and moody.
  • I might snap at people for the smallest of things that might upset me.
  • I will not be happy and joyfull as I would be by confessing my sin. 

– David said, “I know my transgressions.” Are there any things in your life that you need to face honestly and say “I know that is my sin”?

  • Francois if I look at David’s life what some examples:
    • He was idle sitting at home.
    • He was doing things that he would not be doing if he was in the battle leading his men.
    • He was bored walking around on the palace balconies.
    • Lust is a prevalent sin we all struggle with, whether we confess it or not.
    • He was selfish just thinking of himself, not Uriah one of his mighty men.
    •  He gave over to his lustful thoughts and committed adultery. 
    • He led Uriah into sin making him drunk and wanting him to sleep with Bathsheba.
    • He hardened his heart by trying to cover up his sin by murdering Uriah sending him to his death through making other people his accomplaces.
    • He married Bathsheba who’s husband he just murdered.
  • I think for myself Francois a list would look like this:
    •  Lazyness not making every effort to live as a disciple and waiting for someone to tell me what to do. (Prov 6:6-11)
    • Not confessing habitual sin I do not want to repent of because I am “weak” in that area. In essence I learned the other day that God has given me over to that sin to be destroyed in the end. (Rom 1:18-24)
    • Not reaching out to my family to share the gospel with them. I know that I will be held accountable for their blood if I had the chance to share the gospel but did not. (Eze 33:6)
    • I am a secret agent disciple not wanting to hurt people’s feelings by telling them they are lost according to the Bible instead of praying for boldness. (Acts 4:29)
    • I am a bit of a flegmatic personality so I am really fearful of calling people to the standard of the Bible, that is why I don’t evangelize so much because I’d rather please people than God. Paul said that if he still was trying to please people he would not be a servant of Christ. (Gal 1:10)
    • My job and it’s hours is more important than living as a wholehearted disciple. (Mat 10:32-39)
    • If God is not my first love; I will do everything that is right in the eyes of the Lord, but not wholehearted. (2 Chron 25:1-2-14,16,19,24,27) We know that Amaziah started worshipping other gods after he did not follow God wholeheartedly, he became prideful and arrogant, people rob him of all his treasures, his city was destroyed and in the end he turned away from the Lord and was killed by his own people. 

– What will be the good of such honesty?

  • A clear conscience.
  • No guilty feelings.
  • Freedom to live the life God called me to and not to be encumbered or distracted by my guilt and self-pity.
  • I will go to heaven.
  • Experience God’s forgiveness.
  • Be healed of sins by other praying for me and keeping me accountable to change; thereby receiving God’s blessing by not inheriting the consequences of my sins. 

4. Close

– Hans looking at this movie we can have two kinds of guilt. One the one where we are hiding our sin and do not get forgiveness. The other guilt of not saving enough souls. Which is the one you think God would appreciate?
  • Francois I think it is the last one. 

– Hans would you trust God enough to confess your sins so that you may get some healing? Why do you answer the question while praying for us.

  • Dear Father.
  • I would rather have a guilt of not working harder to save more souls than a guilty conscience about sin.
  • Not living a wholehearted life for You, is not worth in the end.
  • It just shows you if God is my first love.
  • God if you are not my first love then the world is and I do not have the heart of You.
  • I admire Oskar and his heart for saving people physically and would want to have a heart for saving people spiritually.
  • God that is really the heart I want for you, not the guilty sinful heart.
  • I pray that I can be moved with love like Oskar was, but in a spiritual way to save souls by being a disciple.
  • Amen.

6. Practicals

  • Man Francois I was really moved by that movie!!!

– Hans how can you make sure to live without the bad guilt?

  • Francois I think my first step is to seek God with all of my heart, not 90%. (Ps 119:1-2) I will only be blessed if God is my first love and not money. (Mat 6:24)
  • Next to love God with my whole heart, soul and mind and with all my strength. (Mrk 12:30-31) Have I been doing that?
  • I think if I was to die today who is my crowd that I have helped or tried to help love God by reaching out to them? (Rom 16:1-16) Who will I greet me in heaven because of my hard work as a disciple making disciples?
  • The grace that I am experiencing from God leads me to hard work in making disciples, living as a fisher of men because Jesus wants all men and women to be disciples. (1 Cor 15:10Mat 28:18-20 & Mrk 1:16-18)
  • I might say that it is God who makes things grow, yes but I still have to plant and water the seed that I have planted. (1 Cor 3:6-8)
  • You might be the wisest and richest person on the planet like Elon Musk is now, or ever that lived like Solomon but if you don’t fear God and keep His commandments, your life amounts to nothing for eternity. (Ecc 12:13-14) Eternity as illustrated by Francis Chan by a rope; you are stupid if you live for the first 5 centimeters of the rope.
  • Can I say that I am fighting the good fight and busy finishing the spiritual race? (2 Tim 4:7-8)
  • I might say that I don’t see any fruit because of my work or sharing my faith daily, but the seed might be like the bamboo tree that takes 5 years to sprout (Is 55:10-12) Just remember God’s words from His mouth does not return to Him empty but will accomplish what He desire and achieve the purpose for which He sent it.
  • I think that is enough for now. 
  • If you would like to study the Bible and learn more, get a mentor, please feel free to contact me by sending me an email

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